Why Can’t I Find a Good Friend?

Ever feel like everyone else seems to have “good” friends except you? That can make you feel like there is something wrong with you.

Like most teens friendship was a touchy and difficult subject for me growing up. Some had great friends, some had no friends, and I didn’t have any GOOD friends…which was the same as having no friends.

I remember thinking that I must not be worth knowing or interesting enough. I felt I had something to offer in a friendship but no one would give me a shot. I wanted a friend that would laugh at my jokes (even though some of them were really corny). I wanted a friend that would see me strugglin’ and ask me what was wrong. I wanted a friend that wanted to hang out with me for me and not because I just happen to have some money that week. I am sure you have been there.

Looking back…most of them were losers anyway…haha. Just kidding. Can’t go on pretending they didn’t matter to me…they did…but I couldn’t connect with them like I wanted to.

Today I have a lot of friends and good friends but I have to be honest with you…I only have maybe two or three “really good friends” and that is after many years of work in those friendships. Those friendships though, were worth the work!!!

So here is some help to get you on your way to connecting with more people and hopefully finding that best friend or making good friends that you can share your life with.

The first thing you need to do is

1.      BE realistic about making good friends.

  • Good friends are made over time not overnight. Don’t expect them to be committed to you without a significant investment by you in the relationship.
  • Good friends are good listeners but not therapists. They are not supposed to have the answers to everything or solve every problem you have.
  • Good friends have other friends too…and can’t be dedicated to your every need. Don’t be a hog. Earn the right to be their best friend…don’t expect it.
  • Good friends are not perfect friends…that is why they need you.
  • Good friends have lives…and can’t always meet every need you could possibly have.

So basically, don’t be unreasonable and don’t go into the relationship because you need someone to “fix” things in your life. Only God can help you there.

The second thing you can do is…

2.      DO Something About It

Here are some practical ways you can begin building relationships and spend less time feeling unwanted and alone…

  • Spend 30% of your time doing something that helps other people without any benefit to yourself. Just being around to create a memorable experience for others will get you many invitations to events and lots of good memories to remember.
  • Let people know you care. Don’t hand someone your iPod and say “be careful not to break it.” That just tells them that you don’t trust them and that you care more about your iPod than making friends with them.
  • Believe in yourself and your ability to impact someone in a positive way. Nobody wants a friend who is always negative about themselves and focuses on themselves. They want a friend that wants the best for them! Believe you are the best friend a person can have and spend your time living up to it.
  • Be a listener instead of a counselor. Many times people just need someone to listen to them. If you learn how to listen without always having the last word or being the wise sage that dishes up expert advice you will never, ever, be alone!

The third thing you have to do is…

3.      KNOW What Kills Relationships…

  • If you smother them…they will go away.
  • If you demand too much of them right away…they will go away.
  • If you feel they owe you something…they will go away.
  • If you ask too much of them…they will go away.
  • If they are responsible for your daily happiness…they will go away.

O.K. so hopefully soon your life will become filled with friends, activities, and meaningful experiences and the next article I write might be “how to be alone” LOL. Good luck!

As always…if you liked this article and you think it was helpful comment on it…Thanks!

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4 Responses to Why Can’t I Find a Good Friend?

  1. Kieth says:

    Remarkable advice! I have been previously seeking something similar to this for a little bit now. Bless you!

  2. Jose Ysidro Gamez says:

    Pore Micheal Im Ur Friend And I Know How U Felt I Feel Like That Some Times But Being Around U A Lot Makes Me Feel Like I Do Have Friends And It Feels Good To Have Friends Thanks Man Ur Lots Of Help And I Actuly Like Going To Church Now That Iv Gone To This Church And U Being There Helping And Haveing Will Around As Compiny He Helps To Some Times

  3. Jane Doe says:

    I’ve been looking for a good article on “Why I can’t seem to have a good friend” for a long time. I found a few kinda good ones, but this one was by FAR the best one I’ve ever read. Congratulations! You helped me today.
    I was going to “leave” a friend today. She forgot about my birthday and I thought it was preposterous to consider having a friend who doesn’t even remember my birthday.
    After reading this, I realized I was being too demanding. She does have a life too!
    I also realized my mistakes – and I did make a lot of them. So it was also my fault. I just failed to notice that before.
    I guess I will try to overlook some of her flaws because I’m also have them. I can’t expect people to be perfect, right?
    I’ve said to myself this is the last time I try to have something close to a “best friend”. So I better try hard to make this work.
    I’m babbling now. I apologize. I just wanted you to know how helpeful you were. I sincerely thank you.

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